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Leaving Motherhood at home and CEO duties at the office.

By Wayne Rivers, CEO Family Business Institute

Motherhood is the most difficult (and possibly the lowest paying) occupation in history. Mothers in family businesses have it doubly hard. In the Spring 1999 issue of Family Business magazine, Ronda Vecchio relates her experiences in balancing family and business over the last 17 years.

Moms in family business are the CEO’s - Chief Emotional Officers. When applied to the family company, that role can have several meanings.

For example, when an employee child comes into Mom’s office, closes the door, and says “we need to talk,” the subject could be employee difficulties, sibling rivalry with other employee children, marital problems, financial problems, or a host of other things. While fathers in family companies also have to deal with these issues, they are not usually first in line when it comes to emotional or human topics.

Ms. Vecchio advises mothers in family companies to make sure that family problems don’t cross the border into the company and disrupt office routines. By the same token, she advises that business problems should not be carried into the home. She offers several key points that can make balancing family and business somewhat easier:

1. Leave motherhood at home, if you can. A mom in a family business inevitably becomes a “stress absorber.” A mom’s unique ability to listen is her key weapon. Listening is the single greatest tool for relieving family anxiety. 
    
2. Make the transition from running the company with a mom and pop mentality to running the company like a business. Vecchio advises to discuss family and personal items after office hours. She also advises to leave business problems at the office. 
    
3. She advises that every business needs a captain. She defines captain as a “firm, but benevolent person.” Every team needs one, and only one, quarterback to be at its best. 
    
4. Back up your managers, especially if they’re your children. Undermining children who are managers by reversing or not supporting their decisions can be debilitating to the children and confusing to your employees. It’s important that family members consult with each other prior to making company decisions and support each other once those decisions are made without backbiting or intrigue. 
    
5. Find jobs that match your children’s talents and abilities to avoid rivalries in the business. Placing your child who is a CPA as the head of sales and your gregarious, people oriented child as the head of accounting is a sure recipe for conflict. Match the person to the job, not the job to the person. 
    
6. All family members who work hard in the company should benefit equitably. Questions about succession and who is going to be the “prize pig” abound in family companies. Remember in family business planning that fair is not necessarily equal, and equal is anything but fair in most cases. The traditional method of dividing up the pie in 3 or 4 equal slices among the employee and non-employee children is a sure recipe for conflict in the family and the business.

Balancing family and business is not easy, and no one knows that more than mothers running family businesses.  In her article, Ms. Vecchio closes with a final point. In her 17 years working in the family company, she has learned that “you don’t own a business; the business owns you.”